What's wrong with me? Hhhhh

Udah tiga minggu ini ga bisa tidur. Napa? Karena dalam pikiran v tiap kali v tidur v akan mati. Mati? yup, benar banget. Entah berawal dari apa tapi pikiran itu yang terus ada dan mengendap di otak v, sampai v sesak nafas, keringat dingin, muntah-muntah (maap), pandangan gelap, dan berbagai tanda kepanikan lainnya. Tidur juga harus ditemenin adek, v harus memegang tangannya sambil tidur, untuk memastikan kalo adek v ada disebelah v, dan dia ga boleh tidur sebelum v tidur. v pikir kenapa v kaya gini? napa v kaya orang ga punya iman gini? Sholat udah, ngaji juga udah buat nenangin hati, tapi hanya memberikan ketenangan sesaat.
Awalnya mama ngetawain masalah v, karena v sebenarnya juga emang penakut, tapi karena v ga tidur2 selama tiga hari dan adek v ngomongin ke mama akhirnya mam nyuruh v menemui psikiater. Malu sih waktu ceritain masalah v ke psikiaternya tapi udah kadung, dari pada v ga tidur2 n jadi kurus, ntar malah makin repot ;p Ama psikiaternya v dikasi xanax 0.5 mg dan ada obat dalam bentuk kapsul yang diramu (ga tau campuran obat apa), dan belajar untuk berfikiran positif. Hasilnya v bisa tidur dengan lelapnya selama dua hari. Tapi pikiran itu balik lagi. Ga cuma malam hari seperti biasanya tapi sekarang malah siang hari juga, waktu lagi ngobrol ama teman2 (tiba2 nge-blank), lagi dengerin dosen menjelaskan mata kuliah, dan reaksinya juga sama, panas dingin, keringetan di tangan dan kaki, nafas sesak, bener2 repot. Besok janjian nemuin psikiater lagi, ga tau obat apalagi yang akan dicekoki ke v, tapi v sangat berharap, berusaha, dan berdoa agar pikiran buruk ini segera keluar dari pikiran dan diri v, ga kuat bermusuhan dengan pikiran diri sendiri, capek... hhhh

Drivin Me Wild - Common Feat. Lily Allen

Drivin' Me Wild

It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
No it's not a mystery, it's everything

She was the type to watch Oprah and the Today Show
Be on the treadmill, uh, like "Okay, go"
Had a body, A body that you can't pay fo'
That mean she had some Ds on her but they wasn't fake though
Had a drive for a drive for Rodeo
She spent pesos on those Lebeaus
Spin class at the gym, strip tease on a pole
She was so obsessed with her body and clothes
To every party she goes, tryin hard to be chose
They say it's hard for a pimp but extra hard for these (hoes)
Readin Us and People Mag, tryna get the scoop
Chasin a actor for a Bentley Coupe
She been through the ball player from the Clippers, then came the pumps
All thinkin she number one where she was just a jumpoff
Doin all she can for a man and a baby
Drivin herself crazy like the astronaut lady

It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
No it's not a mystery, it's everything

He had paper since we was in we was in high school
Pop was a doc, mom taught at my school
Lock with the rocks, in his ears he kept jewels
One of the Diddy types, da D-D-Dame Dash dudes
Pushed a Maserati Sport, readin the Robb Report
Wanted to be Mike but he was never live at sports
Since golf is in he was on the drivin course
To live the rap life is what he was strivin for
Spendin cash at the bar to get credit
Drinkin Chaundon just because Big said it
They say Ye is but dude was big headed
Rocked the fur in the summer so somebody'd pet it
He had a fetish for shoes that's athletic
Pathetic on his MySpace page half nekkid
It's a shame what they do for fame and to be respected
Joe, you coulda got it if you never woulda stressed it

It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
No it's not a mystery, it's everything

They was one of them couples, people said they were the it
Unbreakable, like Bobby and Whit
Or Ryan and Reese, or Kimora and Russ
Relationships can be dead but look live to us
I guess we all been through it where we try too much
Losin yourself and you're lyin and stuff
Wishin for the diamond cuffs, in search of a ring
Where love is not a mystery it's everything

It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
No it's not a mystery, it's everything

Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me
No it's not a mystery, it's everything

Alicia Keys - No One

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you